I wish I could just make up my mind...

So I have been attending the Foothills ward for the last 4 years. It is my home and they are my family. I really love that ward. I love it more than a lot of things in my life. They have been there in so many monumental ways, whether certain individuals know it or not. I have served as an activities committee chairperson and within the Elders Quorum. I have been tossed around these two callings over the last few years. I really feel like I was more than just a small part of the ward. I felt like, and knew that that was the exact place I needed to be, that I was doing the most good, and I was making a difference.
There has since been a change in my life. I moved out of the Foothills Ward boundaries and into the Brentwood boundaries. I was certain that I would continue to attend Foothills. I figured the boundaries are more like guidelines and I am young so I break rules as principle. Not actually, but I can dream... lol...
I continued life under that premise that I would continue on in my ward. Over the next few weeks I somewhat lost my feeling for foothills... Well thats not really it... more like I felt similar to how I felt before I moved out here. I felt that although this was my home I was needed elsewhere and must leave.
I put the matter to prayer. I offered that I was dedicated to staying in my ward and that was the decision I made. I put forth though that if I wasnt supposed to be there or if Heavenly Father desired my in Brentwood that I would straightway leave Foothills. Uneasy feelings began to dominate my heart. Every time I spoke of staying in Foothills I felt like I was covering my eyes. That although I knew the answer was there I would cover my eyes so as not to see it. I fooled myself with this for a few weeks. Finally I decided that it was time for me to go. I informed my bishop of the change and began telling a few choice individuals that I would be leaving.
Let me tell you this and make no mistake about it. I love the Foothills Ward so deeply. There are people in that ward that have spiritually or emotionally carried me on their shoulders. I have had times when I have felt so beaten to the ground and I had not the energy to lift my sunken head. These individuals have stood around me as pillars of strength. They walked with me through the trial. Not ahead of me, calling back to hurry up. Neither were they behind me like a taskmaster with the whip quick in hand. But as a friend walking beside me, helping me up when I stumble and encouraging me to stand on my feet again. I am certain that there are angels around me constantly... Some of them I see. Like my Mom, or my brother. Others I cannot see. I know that my family that has passed on is with me. They probably watch an protect me more than I would like to admit.

Although I am no longer attending my beloved Foothills I look forward with an open mind to what lies ahead.
From the silly Hobbit cartoon from what I am sure was the 70s or 80s "The greatest adventure is what lies ahead." Also some advice given me by my principal, from my highschool, "If your not scared, your probably not doing anything exciting."

So I am taking all my courage and fear and all that I got and pressing forward. I know that The Lord will watch over me no matter which ward I attend. I know that there is no place that I can go that I could possibly hope to hide from him. He will find me and love me. I hope that I can show love back.

My rhetorical question is, how does one love him back? I know what is says in John 14:15

but that is too easy... there is a greater answer... or more of an answer there.

Just some photos

Finding the beacon

So today I had to make a trip to Edmonton. I had to do it for work. This is pretty much the only time I ever go to Edmonton. I would consider myself a Calgarian now and therefore I dont like going to Edmonton. lol ;) I remember a few months ago I had to make a similar trip. The weather conditions weren't great and it was a struggle to make it there. I didnt know the city and I got lost. I needed to find a gas station that sold Diesel. This was pretty tough. I got even more lost because of bad directions from a gas attendant that didn't speak great English.
I started to worry. I was on a time budget and needed to get home quickly. I started to call friends who were familiar with the area. I got a hold of a very close friend, who was able to direct me. The next thing I did was to call my mom. As I drove along she was able to comfort me and help me to feel safe again.
I ended my conversation with my mom so that I could concentrate on driving. I had been driving for a while and was beginning to become certain that I had somehow missed my exit to head back home. Worry again enveloped my mind. I began to scan my surroundings to see if my chance there were any clue as to where I was or if I was on the right track. As I rounded a corner the Edmonton Temple came into view. It was a beautiful white building. A white spire shot into the air and I could see the golden statue of the Angel Moroni. The Spirit flooded my heart. All fear was swept away. I knew my course. I hadn't missed my exit. The spirit seemed to confirm I was going in the right direction. 

 I know in my life sometimes I am scared or am worried that I am not going the right direction. Maybe I am not even on the right road.

The Temple is my beacon. It helps me to know when I am pointed in the right way. 

When you feel lost look to the Lord and he will show you the way. He will be there for you. He will come to you in a way that you will best be served. I know that he always sends me a friend. Most of all he inspires my angel mother. I know God loves me because of my mother. She is wonderful. She helps me to see the beacons in my life.

May we all walk the path with eyes wide open. So that we may see the hand of the Lord guided and watching over our step. 

Glory in the moments

You know there are moments in life where it seems that time stops. You know moments that although there bad things going on in your life or there is some kind of chaos but in that very moment you seem to understand. Somehow you understand the plan. You seem to understand

maybe for a brief moment that God knows whats going on in your life. You may being doing anything. You could be at your favorite spot or with someone who is so special to you.

I ve posted some pictures that I have had such experiences. I wish I could say I could remember how I feel when I look at the picture. I remember that I had the experience. These experiences are gifts. They ought to be cherished. These experiences should be the things we write about in our journals.

Its these tender mercies that give us the strength that pushes onward. You see God loves us so much. He wants all the most special and lovely things. But honestly what would we be if everything was easy. You know its so easy for me to even say that, but where would we be? I know in the midst of my own trials I wish it would be easy. I wish God would sweep away my trials and drop a wad of cash in my lap or something of that sort. But He cant, or at least he doesn't. And why? Because he wants us to grow. I think of all the troubles in my life. I think of the times when I feel like life has beaten me to my knees and I dont have anything in me to lift my head. God wont take that away, but he is gonna do something better. He is gonna cheer me on. He is gonna give me the strength I need. He will bless me with profound moments that I will see in perhaps only a brief moment the larger plan. And I will know... Its all gonna work out. And I will be better for the trial. I think of my personal hero Rocky Balboa. He said, "Going in one more round when you dont think you can that's what makes all the difference in your life." and it does. Staying in there, not letting anyone stop you no matter what. And believe me life is more interesting that way. Life would be so flat if there were no battle to fight. No personal victory would exist if there were no battle.
Two quotes from Theodore Roosevelt that have impacted my life.

"Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorius triumphs, even though checkered by failure... than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat. Theodore Roosevelt

"It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat." Theodore Roosevelt

So one last word of advice to say is that there may not be many moments of glory in your life... but live so that you glory in life's moments.

"I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."

Robert Frost

I took this picture at grassi lakes near Canmore. I obviously took the road that everyone in my group took. But I just was thinking about decisions in life and why we makes decisions in certain ways. Perhaps we do things for other people or because we feel we are supposed to. How often do you do things for yourself.

The Climb of a life time

A long time I was invited to attend a leadership camp my school puts on. I was probably 16 years old. It was an overnight camp for students to learn leadership skills. I dont know why I was selected to be a part of this camp. I was a rather timid shy individual. During this portion of my life I suppose someone saw more in me than I saw in myself.

One of the exercises that we did was called "The Ladder exercise". There was in the forest a rope ladder that rose well toward what looked like one hundred feet into the air. It had 2x6s for rungs and was probably eight or nine feet wide. For this exercise we were to climb the ladder. We did it with partners. Each climber had a harness and a rope that went to the top and then back to the bottom. There were three individuals who held the end of the rope and would keep you from falling.

Now I played Rugby in high school but I was not very tall and getting my feet to leave the ground was a trial in and of itself. My partner, however, was on every sports team that he could be a part of. He was tall and well built. Very statuesque. We began our ascent. It was easy at first. The rungs were close together. As we climbed each level the rungs would be further and further apart. I began to struggle to pull myself to the next level. My traveling companion, although attempting to be helpful, was trying to assist me. The people at the bottom also cheered me on. It came to the point that I would need to do two things to make it to the next rung. I needed to jump from the unsteady rung, and I would have to trust that the three individuals who were holding the rope would pull me and support me so that I would fall. I closed my eyes. The pressure of not wanting to disappoint anyone was mounting. I already felt bad about needing so much assistance. I got low, and holding high on the side of the ladder said to myself that I knew I could do this, that I cant trust my friends. They would not let me fall. I began the motion of springing upwards. I raised my hands to grab the rung. The people at the bottom pulled with their might. I found I was going up. I was certain that at this point I should be going down, but I continued up. I made it to the rung and pulled myself up and awkwardly scrambled to my feet. I stood at the top! I had done it! I made it to the top. I didnt do it myself. There were many factors that supported me.

In life we all climb. We have people that climb along side with us. These are our friends. We support and motivate each other. There are times when we cannot climb any further. We must remember that friends are friends. That means you dont stand alone. You may try to, but your friends stand by you because they love you and care for you. You can trust them. There were people for me at the bottom also that cheered me on. While I could only see the next step they had already made the climb. They knew the difficulties. They knew the path I was walking.
There were also the three at the bottom. These three special individuals. They knew there were times that I would not be able to lift myself. So a great plan was set that I would have a rope. This rope was my life line. I could use it to recover myself if I fell. They could use the rope to lift me if I could not lift myself. These three were like God, our loving Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ our brother, and the Holy Ghost. They would call out to me. "Jump! We will lift you! Trust me! we have given you a rope to hold onto!" The rope is the Atonement of Jesus Christ and the plan of Happiness that has been given by our Heavenly Father. There are times when we slip and fall. The Atonement helps us to balance, get on our feet, and rise again. It also helps us in times when we are doing well. Times when we stand on our feet but no the next step cannot be made unless we trust in the plan. We must take the leap of faith and trust in the plan and in our Loving Heavenly Father. Each trial we face gets harder, and we must learn to rely on this plan. If we trust only in ourselves and not in God we will be stuck and unable to make it to the top.

I know God loves us. I am a son of God and He is my Father. He made a plan so we can return to him. The rope is free. We just need to use it. I know Jesus Christ paid the price for that rope. The ultimate life line, without which we could not progress. Without which we would ultimately fall. If we tried to jump without a rope we would come to a point when we would miss and fall. Without that great sacrifice God would not have power to lift us to the next rung. The plan would be frustrated.

My invitation is to take hold of the rope and climb!

Lose yourself

Last fall I found myself in a situation that often face young people. I stood at a cross road in my life. I had just ended my engagement and lost a job that was very important to me. I found myself staring down the barrel of a very long gun. I didnt know what to do with my life, and therefore seemingly spent every free minute thinking about how much I wasnt doing anything with my life.
I found that at this time Satan was filling my head with such notions that things in my life were going badly because I was a bad person. He tried to convince me that I wasnt worthy to pray or to goto church or other such things. I felt this overwhelming idea that because of said events I was "damaged goods" as it were, and that my life was over. I was 20 something single and unemployed with no prospect of that changing.

Depressing enough for you? Good! cuz I dont have anything else and from here the story only goes up! yay!

One day I was asked to assist in a dinner that my church was putting on. It was quite a big deal. The High Priest group social was a tradition within my stake. I was asked to assist in the kitchen and in the gymnasium. I was required to help for only an hour or two. I took the assignment somewhat grudgingly at the start. I knew I was gonna get some food out of it, so it wasnt a complete lose. I began to fulfill my duties. I had to make sure that all the food was making it from the kitchen to the serving tables in a timely manner. It wasnt a tough job at all. I began to think about service. I thought of my grandfather. He is a stake patriarch. I would say he is one of the wisest men I know. I thought of his example. He suffers from multiple ailments. When he is going through particularly hard times he always turns his heart out to others. He does his hometeaching. He visits others in the hospitals. He looks for those whose hands hang down in despair and he lifts them. I thought to myself that I would do the same.

I actually enjoyed serving so I stayed until the bitter end. I knew they were short on help so I offered to stay longer. As I did this all my troubles seemed to dissipate. I forgot all the nasty things that Satan was trying to make me believe about myself and I was able to focus on serving those around me. While in the midst of my service something also happened. My heart began to fill with love. I wasnt serving because I was going to get food after. I was serving because I wanted to help Fathers children.

I know that when times are tough Satan would have you turn inwards and focus on your wounds. He would throw a pity party for you and let you beat yourself up for all your follies.
I also know from my experience that when times are tough and your backs against the wall that you should serve the people around you. And I know, and I will promise you that you will forget your troubles. I also know that you will be blessed with revelation. That you will be able to if anything be comforted in your problems and also you will be able to receive knowledge as to the things that your Father in Heaven would have you do. This is evident consistently in my life.

Preface... forgot that...

I guess I should also say, based on my last post, that I dont think all my posts will be that heavy... hopefully I will get some good experiences in there and some pictures. I am a photographer, so I will try to get some shots in. So dont be warded off by my fanaticism. It wont all be that way... and please post comments. I would like to hear your feedback.
Also any pictures I post are pictures that I myself have taken

First writings....

This is the first post I am making to my blog. I feel I must preface these writings by saying that I am no writer. I apologize in advance that my spelling and grammar are not what they should be.
I have finished my first journal ever. I was instructed by a close friend to keep a journal. He said that it should be based around the special experiences and promptings I have had. Most of my writings were made within church meetings. Some are sacred and I will not share. Others I feel are things that must be shared, in order to help those around me.

I know that there are people out there that struggle. People who hurt. They hurt so badly that they dont know what it is to feel joy. It is as if they have been backed into a cave so deep and for so long that they dont comprehend the light. And when those precious rays of light seep into their lives it hurts and they must blot it out. They must smother that joy.

I have felt joy in my life. Joy that warmed my heart and made me feel as though I could fly.
You feel indestructible when you have these feelings.

We are here on this earth to experience these things. We read in 2 Nephi 2:25 "Adam fell that men might be, and men are that they might have joy." (Also a note. I am a Latter-day Saint and a lot of what I write may contains verses from Mormon literature) I know that we are here to be tested, and to prove that ourselves. We are also here to experience joy.

I have come up with a few notions about life. First of all that trials, sorrow, pain and suffering are like the garlic of life. One day when I was cooking and I ate a piece of garlic. I had been cooking up this theory, but needed proof. I found when I ate the garlic that my face puckered and my whole mouth was filled with bitterness. I felt I was sure I could take on any vampire that were to face me. I proved in this that Garlic, by itself, is disgusting, bitter, and completely unpalatable.
Again I had to prove the other part of my theory. I finished cooking my meal. I used the garlic as a part of my cooking. I had a different experience. The garlic, although once bitter, enriched the what I was tasting. I have found this with a lot of different things. Salt, or pepper again is not very good to taste unless it is mixed with something else.
So to is life the same. Trials are really hard to bare, but when they are mixed they enrich our lives.
I have experienced sorrow in my life. I have bitten the garlic as it were. Sometimes I bit it by my own will... other times the trial was forced upon me. It is both these ingredients that enrich our lives. Without the dark we cannot comprehend the light. Without heartache how can we fully appreciate joy and happiness that come from love.
Now some would say, "my whole life is garlic! I have nothing that brings me joy!"

You know that is a tough one. My experience has taught me a few things.

First -- God loves you. He does. He loves you so much. He hurts when you hurt. He wants you to have all the best things. He also knows the balance. He knows what is good and right for you. He also made us a promise. He promised us that if we came to this earth and if we partook of his plan that we would have the ability to choose. That we would be able to be agents unto ourselves. Unfortunately that means there is and must be an opposition. His name is Satan. and he influences others to do bad things that hurt people. It is within God's plan to allow this opposition. The wonderful bright beam of hope is that although bad things happen to good people in the end all unfairness will be made up. You see because Jesus Christ has suffered for us the Fathers plan can be set in motion. That plans states that there is more than just this life and when this life is over that all. It states that after this life there is more. All the injustices we have faced will be made right. God is your Father and he watches over you. I know he wants to pick us up when we fall. He would enfold his arms around us when we weep at night, but for our sake he allows us to feel pain. This pain gives us a heart. It helps us so that when we see others suffer we desire to help them. We desire to lift those around us.

Second -- All trials have an end. Jesus Christ gives us and invitation. He said "Come unto me all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest."(Matt 11:28) He will take sorrow from us. He is occasionally introduces himself as "Alpha and Omega" The beginning and the End.
What is he the beginning of? He is the beginning of life, of joy, of all that is good. Next question.
What is he the end of? He is the end of suffering. He is the end of death. He is the end of fear and sorrow.

I think of the women with an issue of blood. She had a wound in her that would not go away. This pain was with her for twelve years. Of all the physicians and healers that she saw none could heal her. She felt sorrow and despair. The Savior walked through the crowd to visit Jairus' daughter, to heal her. The crowd began to throng him. The women saw him, and within herself she knew that if she touched the hem of his garment that she would be whole again. She made her action and she was healed. The point of the story is not so much that Jesus heals all. Of course, that is true, but there is a great underlying message. Whatever the Lord puts his hands on grows and flourishes. His grace through the Atonement, and our faith will heal. So we might feel that the Lord has not placed his hands on us, that we suffer and he watches. The lesson is that if the Lord doesnt put his hands on us, then we MUST put our hands on the Lord. We must seek him at every turn. We must make it our life's work to follow him.
Doing this will help us to understand The Father's plan and how it will work in your life.
I know this is true. If there are faults here it is because I am flawed. I know God loves you deeply. I know there is a plan for us.